I'm Not Like You
by Alexis M. Riddle
Summary: Remus finally finds love at Hogwarts, but are things really meant to last?


I'm Not Like You The maze of endless halls had become familiar to Alexis now and she traveled along them at ease. Of course, there was the risk of getting caught by a teacher, but all that mattered to her at the moment was reaching the moonlit grounds.  
  
The stars shone dimly beside the half circle of the moon. Her path was illuminated as she walked toward the lake, which seemed to be a perfect rippling copy of the night sky above. Her stomach turned involuntarily as she saw the figure sitting by the water.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she sat down beside him, keeping her eyes on the ebon water. He turned to see her there, the moonlight bouncing off of her raven black hair.  
  
Her appearance to him resembled a Slytherin, though he did not tell her as she was in Gryffindor. But there was just something about her misty gray eyes and pale face that told him she should have the mental attributes of a Slytherin.  
  
"Alexis," he said softly, turning his light brown eyes back to the lake.  
  
She remained silent, looking over at his soft features. His brown hair was as it had been in class that day, swiftly falling down the sides of his face. She marveled at his calm manner, how he could be thinking so many things, dyng to let it all tumble out of his lips, and yet never say a word.  
  
Her hand twitched. She longed to reach over and take his hand in hers. The problem was he seemed so sheltered, as if he didn't want anyone to try to get too close.  
  
"Remus I..." she was unable to think of anything to say. Her mouth was dry and there was a lump in her throat. She felt the need to cry, to add to the massive body of water her tears of old and new pain. Why wasn't he looking at her?  
  
Remus' hands were sweating. He had wanted to tell her how he felt about her, hoping she would understand and maybe, just maybe return the feelings he held.  
  
But she wouldn't even look at him. His heart skipped a beat every time the wind ruffled through her hair, hoping that she would turn to see the sincere longing on his face. Ever since he had taken that dare in his third year and asked for her name, he knew that she wasn't just another girl in his class.  
  
It was their fifth year now and many things had happened since then. Alexis had taken a liking to Sirius Black, a friend of Remus', but she always saved Remus a warm smile in the halls when they passed each other.  
  
Remus suddenly felt that what they were doing was wrong. He had asked her to come to the lake when he knew very well that she had strong feelings for Sirius. If Sirius found out, he would be mad, and that was the last thing Remus needed. His closest friends, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and of course Sirius were very important to him. They were the only ones who knew and on top of that accepted, what he really was.  
  
He almost jumped when she spoke again, breaking him from his thoughts.  
  
"I think we both know why we're sitting here."  
  
Remus turned and saw that she was looking up at the sky.  
  
"We do?-I mean...yes," his heart was racing. Was she angry?  
  
"Remus..." their eyes finally met. She looked solemn, yet relieved that they had at last found each other's gaze. Her hair was blown across her alabaster features as she tried to think of something to say. "I just want to let you know that I am very fond of Sirius."  
  
Remus' heart sank. He had been expecting this.  
  
"Alexis I'm sorry. I-"  
  
"Listen...It's true, Sirius and I are fond of each other, but that, that doesn't mean we can't still be really great friends." She couldn't stand to see the look of disappointment on his face.  
  
Her eyes were apologetic and he turned to look at his feet. Maybe what James and Sirius said was true. Maybe he was afraid of girls.  
  
Suddenly, he felt her at his side. He turned to see her conjuring up two mugs with her wand. She handed one to him and tapped her wand against it. Hot water and a teabag were suddenly the contents of the cup and she looked at him somewhat proudly.  
  
"Happy birthday to me," she said grinning and lightly putting her mug against his in a toast.  
  
"Oh," he checked his watch. "So it is. Happy birthday Alexis." He felt simply horrible now. He was putting her through this on her sixteenth birthday.  
  
They sat together for a while, silently warming their fingers around the steaming mugs. Remus was comforted by the soft heat coming from the girl at his side. He wished more than anything to be able to put his arm around her, draw her close, and not have to worry about betraying his best friend.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
He dreaded hearing what was coming next. Surely she was going ot ask him what in the world he had been thinking, dragging her down here in the middle of the night.But then she lay her head against his shoulder, looking up at the stars.  
  
He swallowed. "Hm?  
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
"What?" he asked, suprised.  
  
She looked up at him, her chin resting against his arm. "What are your thoughts right now, this minute?"  
  
"How wonderful it would be to ki-er, capture those fireflies!" he said quickly, standing up and motioning toward a few blinking lights hovering above the bank of the lake.  
  
He began to run for them, but Alexis sprang up.  
  
"Remus no! Those are fairies!"  
  
But it was too late. Remus had already gone for the nearest fairy and was now battling the rest of them, trying to reach his wand while swatting at them. They were chattering loudly, attempting to fend off their attacker with high pitched squeals and sharp painful bites.  
  
"Impedimenta!" Alexis exclaimed, her wand pointed at the struggling mass. The fairies were slowed in their angry onslaught, but this also meant that Remus' movements were hesitant too as he looked at Alexis, the expression of surprise forming as if in slow motion on his face.  
  
She rushed over and pulled him from the swarm and waited for the spell to wear off. When it did, the fairies flew off sulkily to another part of the lake.  
  
"Thanks," Remus said, blushing slightly.  
  
"Well it's not like I would have just let you get eaten by those vile creatures," she laughed and he smiled, his heart lifting as he heard her joyous laughter.  
  
She sighed and put her hands in the pockets of her robes.  
  
Remus stayed to the side, feeling a little apprehensive. He had been so close to spilling his true feelings for her, and she hadn't even noticed.  
  
Alexis was gazing at the moon deep in thought. She knew what he had been about to say. The thought surprised her but she began to wonder what it would be like to kiss Remus Lupin, that quiet, shy boy who hung out with the other three mischief makers, one of whom she had just been snogging in the Prefect's bathroom the other night.  
  
That was what Alexis liked about Sirius. He was so daring and unafraid to get detentions of humiliate Gryffindor house by getting points deducted every week.  
  
Remus wasn't like that. Sure, he could have fun with his friends, but a lot of the time he was reading a book or helping Peter with his homework.  
  
But then again, with Remus, she wouldn't be stuck up late at night doing homework because she had been in detention that afternoon.  
  
"Alexis?"  
  
She looked around at him, her eyes watching his lips and noting that they weren't much different than Sirius'.  
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
She sighed, contemplating this.  
  
"Well, for starters..." she walked over to him and looked out over the lake "I'm wondering why I don't feel sixteen yet." She grinned and he forced a smile. His hopes had been dashed again, but now he was beginning to feel less desperate. He was trying to face reality.  
  
There was an awkward silence. Remus went forward and looked down at his reflection. He could see Sirius, the dog star, just above his head. It was like an omen, as if Sirius himself were watching. Just then, Alexis' face appeared beside his and he felt her hand on his shoulder, turning him around.  
  
As his eyes met hers, she learned forward, heart fluttering wildly.  
  
Soon, they were locked together in an embrace such as neither had experienced ever before.  
  
He could tast the sweet tea on her lips and the feeling of his slow breath warmed her cold cheeks. Instantly, Remus felt as if his body had been swept away and all that he was conscious of was her form pressing closer, allowing him to put his arms around her. He felt her soft hair and her eyes fluttered open.  
  
Just a moment more, she said to herself. She had been wrong earlier. His lips were much different than Sirius'. They were soft and hesitant with inexperience. She knew this was his first kiss and that he was nervous, but allowing herself to be patient, she felt him relax.  
  
All thoughts of betrayal or anxiety about being caught were swept away and Remus savored the tender moment. It seemed that time had slowed, allowing them to slip between the folds and disappear entirely.  
  
Suddenly, Alexis pulled away.  
  
"This is wrong."  
  
Remus opened his eyes, expecting to be slapped, or at the least see an infuriated face. But her eyes were filled with guilt.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry," Remus said, stepping back. "I knew Sirius would be angry, I'm so sor-"  
  
"No. It's not that." Her hand went to her head and she turned away, taking a few steps. "I'm not like you."  
  
Remus looked suprised.  
  
"We're two totally different people, you and I," she looked at him. It seemed to him that the look was accusing, when really it was full of sorrow.  
  
Suddenly, with another sinking feeling in his heart, Remus understood.  
  
"I thought that wouldn't matter," he looked at her seriously. How could his best friend have told her? His being a werewolf was supposed to be a secret. His friends weren't even supposed to know.  
  
"Yes, so did I. But it just wouldn't work, it couldn't."  
  
"We could make it work!" he exclaimed.  
  
"No Remus. I'm sorry." With that, she turned and walked back toward the castle.  
  
Remus stood, watching her, full of mixed feelings. Hurt, shame, betrayal, and undying love were on the top of the list.  
  
Alexis trudged up the lawns, her throat stinging. How could she have been so stupid? She had fallen in love with someone who couldn't possibly understand. Who was too pure to.  
  
It wasn't fair. To have to see the look of innocent misery on his face crushed her. If only she could explain the truth.  
  
Finally, after years of being held by the dam of dignity, silent tears ran down Alexis' cheeks as she looked back to see Remus still there, probably wondering innocently what he had done. That thought could easily have killed her, if she wasn't a werewolf. 


End file.
